3 Indicators of a WRONG Self Love
When Does Self Love Becomes Right or Wrong?
“People often mention, ‘more than anything and anyone else, love yourself first’ — which I personally find great. You know, there’s this logic that puts it this way, ‘you cannot give others the things, you in yourself do not have.’ This is a simple portion of common sense, where we quickly can comprehend; yet, we slowly adhered in real life — and it’s ironic!”
THE CONCEPT OF SELF LOVE
Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.
— Brain & Behavior Research Foundation
Just then, when instances of extreme emptiness excruciates you, where the silence of being alone in a room or moments when you’re about to sleep yet the depths of a swollen feeling wanting to have things reciprocated keeps you awake — is really just hellish! The determination of being other people’s martyr will then end at the very moment when you realize that one cannot be other else’s hero all the time, implying that at any tick the strongest heroine can fail. Subsequently, this is how the concept of self-love gets empowered nowadays. Battling against the pain of break-ups, childhood traumas, rejections, insecurities, failures by uplifting one’s self through a freeing sense of self-expressions, quality times, enough physical rest, going out for fancy meals, shopping and any other things or love languages done for the intention of one’s delight.
“Easy said than done because we truthfully are susceptible to abandon such fact — the loving of one’s self. So as time goes on, people will always then think of filling in other else’s cups without realizing their own cups are running empty and as well in a need to be filled.”
I would want to affirm that there is nothing wrong about loving one’s self. I mean it when I say that self-love is vital! It is actually a default setting in our existence, where in the first place we should validate ourselves on our own than of the toxicity of pleasing the crowd or being entitled. What’s amusing is, by the time we actually prioritize ourselves first, will also be the exact time when we can love others — that is if we know mutual accountability in the first place! But if it so happen that we are not oriented about our accountabilities to also love others, there then self love can go wrong.
Self-love can go wrong when we become:
1. APATHETIC
Self love becomes right when we prioritize ourselves first, yet after a moment of recharge, we come back to people: our family, friends, and neighbors to teach them how to love their selves as well. It can go wrong by the moment one has become apathetic because of any history of bitterness or pain — which verily is valid but shouldn’t be allowed to let one get drowned by such cynicism for a long time, that in the end will lead to social conflicts, hate and disconnections.
Apathy transcribes to expressions like “I don’t care” and one feels as neither “hate” nor “love” inside them — indicates apathy. A person who becomes too focused on one’s self that it can no longer feel empathy to others as time goes on. A lot of times, people actually misinterpret apathy as self love.
2. PERFECTIONISTS TOWARD OURSELVES & PEOPLE
Perfectionism can lead to self-defeating thoughts or behaviors that make it harder to achieve goals. It may also cause stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. People who strive for perfection out of feelings of inadequacy or failure is unhealthy. — Good Therapy
Self love becomes right when it delights on progress, than of one’s perfection! This is also one of the misconceptions, where people have already turned out too perfectionist on their selves just because they are empowered to love their own and have proved that they are able but started to feed standards to others — forcing them to fit their own boxes, which should not be! Counter-attack would make the “perfectionists” feel the same perfection from and within them transforming them to be extremely hard on their selves in the end.
“Perfectionism on one’s self towards others and vice-versa is a delusion that can rob every spontaneity in life. It is a dreadful striving — paralyzes and kills one’s authenticity.”
3. Drowned by PRIDE
“Pride erects a little kingdom of its own, and acts sovereign in it.”
— William Hazlitt
After perfection, comes pride! Self love becomes wrong when it originates from pride. The high and extreme interest of one’s self where you could no longer see others and worse, even belittled them because you highly prioritize yourself first — just for the reason that it is the only way you see as reasonable in loving yourself. But no! Although self love is autonomous because it involves an internal workings, but self love still chooses to delight on empowering communities and relationships — most of all the interests of others.
Self love becomes right when we establish boundaries. While others misinterpret self love as isolation ; the real reconnection of the self actually creates more healthy connections to people guarded with boundaries. It isn’t the scenario of depriving one’s self from socialization. The wrong form of self love is created via ego (that could be one’s self mechanism); the right kind of self love will actually causes one to be more loving to people and not more of being entitled of what they are always ought to have and what they think they solely deserve.
It is true that self love is vital. We fill our own cups first, before filling in other else’s cups as we overflow. In fact, the right kind of self love is contagious! Bottom-line, self love should teach us to be more selfless because we knew in ourselves and are certain that we are self-sufficient — and not selfish contending with the idea that we deserve more than we ought to have which will eventually cause us to stumble on being apathetic, perfectionist, and egocentric.
Important Note: This story of the page is part of the author’s works in ‘Mythology & Folklore’ course — addressing one’s views and opinions about the verity of the right and wrong kind of self love.
