Memoir Review: Falling Leaves
by Adeline Yen Mah
“I was the ostracized outsider longing for acceptance; the ugly duckling hankering to return as the beautiful swan; the despised and unwanted Chinese daughter obsessed with my quest to make my parents proud of me on some level. Surely some day, if I tried hard enough to help them in dire need, they would love me. “ — Adeline Yen Mah
Four days of tirelessly reading and jotting down numerous unforgettable lessons from Adeline Yen Mah’s memoir titled “Falling Leaves” feels doubtlessly like a haunting experience for me compared to any jovial journey of reading a series of fictional story books. Aside that memoirs actually have an exceptional elements of story telling and characteristics for central themes when juxtaposed from other reading categories penned on our lists, this Falling Leaves definitely has an enchantment, not of delight and pleasure like a typical reads will do, but of an excruciating affliction Mah had in her appalling childhood account- even in her lifelong existence with her family, especially to her 娘 Niang- which translates to mother but truthfully was her stepmother in real life.
Interposed Book Reviews…
Just as how other writings and publishing companies marked the story as something “terrible and riveting” and yet, “fascinating and “heartrending” at the same time, was indeed proved true when I myself had read it. I primarily thought that her life account was only a narrative ascribed from an archetypal story line of being an unwanted child from a family with great affluences- those one we always see on television series or read from notable readings but it turns out that I am wrong!
Mah’s memoir expresses a powerful story of enduring a great family dissension caused by a collective denial, rascality and self-interests. Yet, while it is true that ‘Falling Leaves’ verily did mirror a painful story of Adeline in her childhood until adulthood journey- panting for acceptance, genuine love, understanding and support from her caretakers, siblings and most of all, her vicious stepmother; which we typically just hear or see elsewhere happening in the daily slice of life. The fact itself that it gives existence to the candor of emptiness, unworthiness, and melancholy- Mah’s life then has eventually become a contemplation of our own emptiness, unworthiness, and melancholy in life. By the moment I caught myself reading between pages where her childhood began to feel obviously indifferent due to the physical and emotional maltreatment of the people around her- Adeline’s very own family, I started to get fasten with the strapping pain and cruelty. Not that I experienced the same sort of childhood as exact as of hers but pain and agony in any forms are universal. It may spawn the course of the narrative too normal, yet trust me! Falling Leaves is not your ordinary memoir on the list. It will give you an achy-chills as after effects!
WHO IS ADELINE YEN MAH?
Born on November 30, 1937 at Tianjin, China- 40 Shandong Road where the defiant force of the Japanese soldiers tormented and launched a full scale attack on the region as well as Beijing, Adeline or named as Jun-ling was the fifth child of Joseph Yen and Ren Yong-Ping. Mr. Yen was a notable businessman all over Tianjin, Shanghai, Hong Kong and later on, in the West. In the same year, the Sino-Japanese war began and even lasted for eight more years later that time. Chaotic, because at the similar date, conflicts between the Nationalist Party of China also resisted the force and aggression of the Communists Party.
“My mother died two weeks after my birth, with five doctors at her bedside. She was only thirty years old and I have no idea what she looked like. I have never seen her photograph.”
This is all where her story of being an unwanted child in the family begins! Adeline was considered a bad luck in her entire existence by her stepmother, siblings and even father because aside from the fact that there were crude realities of growing up as females in a 20th-century Chinese society- the very ulterior reason of such prejudices and hate she had lived all her life was due to the verity that her mother died when giving birth to her.
MY TAKEAWAYS FROM THE MEMOIR
Reading the memoir at ten in the evenings, I could still recall the moments where I was brought to tears a lot of times. I was moved real bad at Mah’s narrations, starting from her suffering ten-year old self. She often got beatings at times every time her Niang found out that her aunt secretly gave her allowances at school even with the fact that she wasn’t given any money, while her older siblings received their weekly allocations. Unfair! She became one of the most innocent victim of injustice and maltreatment inside their abode; without really comprehending the reason why her caretakers acted such ways- not until when she understood a glimpse in the latter. My major takeaways in this story came from the most digestible and riveting key points of Adeline herself and few of the kindest and wisest people who walked with and throughout her whole journey. This also wraps the entirety of the book and its very contents.
1. Enlightenment from the Wise — featuring Chinese Proverbs
Brace yourselves! This isn’t going to be like any of a Chinese Mandarin- Traditional or Simplified language learning lessons, but this segment composes mainly of Chinese proverbs and sayings which I found integral in Mah’s life account — not only because these share an enlightened experience when read, but more importantly these what keeps Adeline grew firmer in her journey, as unwanted as she was, by the people in her existence. Moreover, if you will really read the memoir, these idioms actually came from her grandfather and aunt whom she treasured and cherished.
Yi Chang Chun Meng 一春夢的情節- An episode of a spring dream
“I remember waking up in the sweltering heat of a Tianjin summer morning. Aunt Baba was sitting at her dressing table and crying. She told me that grandmother had left this world and would never come back; her life had evaporated like an episode of a spring dream.” — Adeline (p. 39)
Ren-忍- Endure
Divide Chinese character忍 ren (endure) into two components, top and bottom. The top component called ‘dao’ means knife, but it has a sheath in the center of the rapier. The bottom component, ‘xin’ means heart. Combined together, the word is telling us a story.
“Though my son is wounding my heart, I shall ensheath the pain and live through it.” — Ye Ye (Adeline’s Grandfather (p.76)
This was when Adeline’s grandfather whom she called Ye ye, also felt the strapping suffering from his son’s treatment (Adeline’s father) as old age approached him. He began to encounter loneliness and severe dearth of care, especially when he was left out all the time in Shanghai — sickly in all of his life’s aspects.
Du ri ru nian- 度日如年- Each day passes like a year
“All of us cling so tenaciously to life. But there are fates worse than death: loneliness, boredom, insomnia, physical pain. The agony and fear of dying, surely that is worse than death itself. The absence of respect. The dearth of hope.” — Ye Ye (p. 110)
Ye ye died on March 27, 1952 from the complications of his diabetes. He still lasted after the great Japanese-American conflicts during 1945, yet still political quarrels were ominous due to the incessant civil wars in the country that time.
2. A Yearn for Acceptance
“His child has done no wrong. But everyday her presence is like a thorn in their side: she annoys them by simply being around. They’re sending her away because they want to be rid of her.” — Ye ye (p.86)
Yeye and Adeline’s Aunt, Baba were the only people who considered her as family. They understood that the five-year old Adeline was perplexed.
"Why did my father acted cold at me?", "Why did my stepmother so vicious?" and "why did my siblings so inconsistent and inconsiderate when dealing with me?"
Perhaps, she had all these questions in mind. Growing in a household administered by an austere stepmother, the only feeling she had growing up and thus, that never left her was the feeling of being "unwanted." On the other side, the only motherly arms that had become her home was Aunt Baba’s. Attaining primary school with great honors and accomplishments, she remained unappreciated by her father except of Yeye and Baba; they celebrated with her by giving her rewards and incessant nurture and care. It is true that Adeline yearned for a familial acceptance; however, her grandfather and Aunt Baba strove to love her- hoping to win against the force of pain and let her be loved endlessly.
Mah wrote, "She (Aunt Baba) was gentle, patient and wise. I loved her very much."
3. Perseverance for a Dream’s Sake
Shan gao shui chang/ you he bu ke?
山高，河长，有什么可能吗?- The mountains are high and the rivers are long, is anything possible?
“I could hardly believe my good fortune, recalling those countless nights on the balcony of my boarding school dreaming of just such a voyage. Throughout the month-long ocean voyage, I was suffused with elation. We were at last on a wonderful journey of discovery and independence. Life shimmered with hope.” — Adeline (p.122)
A dream makes one bold, dreamers say. One has to chase it! It is one’s dreams that make someone different.
Mah grew up dreaming of becoming a famous writer. Back in her childhood, she used to ideate her future self as becoming a renowned fiction writer, due to the circumstance that beheld her every time she felts lonely and alone. It had become a hobby of her reading the fictional comics her Aunt gave her as presents. She grew up proficient in writing and even won first place in an international playwriting competition, and had her literary work titled 'Gone with the Locusts’. She was attending in a Girls' School Academy that time.
Years passed and time came when her father permitted her to study abroad, Adeline journeyed with her older brother James. Even though she’d got financial support from Mr. Yen, resources that time were limited and it exactly didn’t went easy for her venture. From dreaming of becoming a famous writer, Mah graduated with a degree in medicine and later on worked as an obstetrician- her father’s ideal job for her. The night before she traveled to England, she had thought about how limitless her future could be; while worrying’s an option, who could have thought that dreaming can be as limitless as the skies as well.
4. Unmeant Love
“My little girl! My femme fatale! I have written little of what I meant to say. Thinking of you fills me with disturbing emotions I hesitate to transcribe. Suffice if that you have erased from my heart a bleakness I was happy to discard. Though I know I should probably step aside, please remember that wherever you go, I shall be waiting for you here in my lab, at all times.” — Karl Decker (p.137)
Moving from China to England in hopes of finding a successful venture for the future and for the fulfillment of her dream to study abroad, Adeline did risked in climbing to life’s new heights. She was indeed admitted to University College in Bloomsbury later that time for a medical course at the age of seventeen. Doing on life socially with her Chinese friends while excellently attaining praises in the academe, she hadn’t been as free like it, in her entire life.
Until she met Karl Decker, one of her lecturers. Karl was her ideal man: intelligent, sensitive, tall and handsome. The thirty-four-year old German was extremely passionate with his work that she once described him as 'self-sufficient' and 'self-centered' due to the fact that he had no friends; nevertheless, an interracial romance sparked from them both. However, as normally complicated it is to handle relationships, Adeline and Karl reached the zenith of their emotional delight for each other- calling it as an end, especially when differences in personal values and cultural confusions heighten the intensity of their mutual love. To add that the taboo of fighting for a student-teacher relationship is hardly-doubled as normal relationships are.
In his letter, Karl was waiting for Adeline, still expressing affection in the midst of an uncertain and shaky course of romantic relationship. Although his tone may sound like he has waited for her endlessly but truthfully in the end, their love and romance have to end. Let’s just simply say that they’re unmeant for each other!
5. Shared Affection
As we stood side by side mourning her, James glanced at my tear-stained face and murmured sympathetically.
“It won’t be like this all the time. Things are bound to get better… Suan le!” (Let it be!) — James (p.63)
Being the fifth child and youngest (daughter) among them all, it was very defenseless for Adeline to be bullied at times when especially none from her older siblings were truly caring about her; in fact her family was her major bullies. But be it different for her older brother, James!
James is sensitive. He knew the time whenever Adeline is already hurt and disappointed. He’d been with her in her grievances and cherished her in her accomplishments. James journeyed with her to England. He’s her knight in shining armor in some instances as well, especially in cases of bullying among the family. In the later years, James stayed as her dear older brother, not until their Niang plotted a scheme to part them through an 'inheritance conflict.' Enthralling and heartrending- this is their shared affection.
Falling Leaves isn’t an ordinary memoir!
While it centers the story of an unwanted Chinese child, it also reflects a kaleidoscope of sub-stories. This secondary outlet of narratives depicts the lively and growing reality of yearning, perseverance, and relentless affection both familial and personal. Lively in the sense that it actively strike the readers’ comfortable perceptions of love and living- leading them, including myself into the dimension of Mah’s beginnings; a chasm where only those who want to step there can ever journey.
Out of 4, I rate this perfectly with 4 stars, and I can’t wait for you to read this memoir!
